Hi--long time no blog. Business is busy which tells me more people have decided they should make the rules for their lives--not an attorney not a judge. Anyone who has tried mediation knows it is not easy but it is preferable to hanging out in court corridors. I am still looking for those people who have had to slog through that system so they can confirm my position.


---------------------------------------------
Pamela Macktaz and Jean George create a unique team with over 70 years of combined Rhode Island Family Court experience. We successfully assist clients with divorce, case management, parenting plans, memorandums of understanding, and parent coordination in high conflict families.

For questions about this posting or any divorce questions CONTACT US at (401)942-3000 or visit our Divorce in Rhode Island website

seeing the light

I am still looking for folks who can help others by detailing their slog through the court labyrinth. We will not use your names. It might help others realize there is an alternative. Our own clients come to us before enduring the expense of a court struggle. We know you are out there and need a sounding board.

We are seeing that when clients come in with there financial info we can usually develop a memorandum of understanding after 3 to 4 hours of mediating. Is this not terrific in light of the average length of the court process with delays, lawyers busy elsewhere etc. Even if you do not need our services it would help to hear from you. Be well!!

It appears that the economy is definitely causing folks to consider mediation as opposed to an ugly and expensive court battle. Finally something positive about a lousy economy!! As we tell people all the time it makes better sense to sit with us around a conference table--sip some water or coffee(we make delicious coffee) and work through all those issues that can appear so intimidating at first.

We are finding that encouraging people to relax and talk--even raise their voices if need be--cry if it helps--does result in a catharsis of sorts. It is very encouraging to two people who truly believe in this process.

Hi--we've been quiet for a few weeks. We are busy which is a good thing. It appears that more and more people are beginning to see the value of Mediation as a resource for a negotiated divorce settlement.The majority of the people we are seeing have children under the age of 10 years. There is an appreciation among them that they will be attending Parent/Teacher meetings for years to come--dealing with the usual array of childhood traumas together and basically needing to be able to communicate. We can give them that tool and it is quite gratifying.

An additional plus is that they save much needed money in the present economy. Once they agree to try Mediation it is a sign that they want something better than what the adversarial process. There are tears and raised voices but we remind them of their initial commitment and are able to move forward. If divorce is to be part of your life we urge that you consider the Mediation process. We offer a free consult so there is nothing to lose!!!

-I have been attempting to demonstrate the difference between a negotiated settlement and an adversarial trial to resolve divorce and parenting issues. I would like to hear from folks who have survived the traditional court route as to whether or not that route improved your ability to communicate and parent your kids. I have many stories from children who have lived through their parents divorce. Let me hear from you. --------------------------------------------
Pamela Macktaz and Jean George create a unique team with over 70 years of combined Rhode Island Family Court experience. We successfully assist clients with divorce, case management, parenting plans, memorandums of understanding, and parent coordination in high conflict families.

For questions about this posting or any divorce questions CONTACT US at (401)942-3000 or visit our Divorce in Rhode Island website

Being a parent is a lifetime commitment

Being a parent is a lifetime commitment that does not end when the marriage ends. Learning to parent cooperatively is good for children as they have the right to love and be loved by both parents. There is never a need to compete for your child's affection and loyalty. Always remember your children have rights and their well-being should always be your top priority.

Separation and Divorce are difficult for children who may react differently depending on their ages. They are by and large resilient and studies reveal that most are their normal selves within two years of the event. Just keep a sharp eye out for any signs that are severe in nature and seek help from the mental health community.


---------------------------------------------
Pamela Macktaz and Jean George create a unique team with over 70 years of combined Rhode Island Family Court experience. We successfully assist clients with divorce, case management, parenting plans, memorandums of understanding, and parent coordination in high conflict families.

For questions about this posting or any divorce questions CONTACT US at (401)942-3000 or visit our Divorce in Rhode Island website

"A child of divorce will be better off if reared cooperatively by two parents who respect each other's parental role". The converse is unfortunately also true, "children whose parents seek to undermine each other's parental role cannot possibly be helped by such..and could be harmed emotionally".(note 1.) Each parent must give the other a chance to settle in to the new situation. Be polite when you speak to or about each other--your body language can speak volumes to a child....


Note 1. Legal and Mental Health Perspectives on Child Custody Law, pp. 78. West Group 1998.

Posted by Pam Macktaz and Jean George, RIDivorceMediation.com.



---------------------------------------------
Pamela Macktaz and Jean George create a unique team with over 70 years of combined Rhode Island Family Court experience. We successfully assist clients with divorce, case management, parenting plans, memorandums of understanding, and parent coordination in high conflict families.

For questions about this posting or any divorce questions CONTACT US at (401)942-3000 or visit our Divorce in Rhode Island website

Extramarital relationships add extra emotion to the dissolution-custody equation( as well post divorce sexual relationships may impact the issues of custody, access and parenting). One spouse's new relationship will produce doubts in the other about that spouses competence as a parent. The prospect of a new parent for one's children frightens most divorcing spouses. The emergence of a replacement parent usually produces concern and great animosity, even if both spouses have acquired new relationships.

Children, especially older children are often extremely disturbed about the breakup of their family. They may see a new love interest as the cause and exhibit powerful loyalties and support to the other parent(seen as the "wronged" parent) and rage at the wrongdoer. The spouses' lawyers are sometimes captured by the hostility. In mediation the process helps clients bring a humane end to the litigation--avoiding a battle that punishes them and their children.

Note: Excerpt from "LEGAL AND MENTAL HEALTH PERSPECTIVES ON CHILD CUSTODY LAW" 1998 West Group (National Interdisciplinary Colloquium on Child Custody Law).

Posted by Pam Macktaz

---------------------------------------------
Pamela Macktaz and Jean George create a unique team with over 70 years of combined Rhode Island Family Court experience. We successfully assist clients with divorce, case management, parenting plans, memorandums of understanding, and parent coordination in high conflict families.

For questions about this posting or any divorce questions CONTACT US at (401)942-3000 or visit our Divorce in Rhode Island website

Divorce Litigation

You and/or your spouse may not feel committed to the results of your divorce because of a lack of participation in the process, bitterness fostered during the proceedings, or lack of fairness in the result.

Divorce Mediation

Child support, spousal support and most important of all Parenting Plans are more likely to be maintained when mutually decided. Is this not the least your children deserve.

---------------------------------------------
Pamela Macktaz and Jean George create a unique team with over 70 years of combined Rhode Island Family Court experience. We successfully assist clients with divorce, case management, parenting plans, memorandums of understanding, and parent coordination in high conflict families.

For questions about this posting or any divorce questions CONTACT US at (401)942-3000 or visit our Divorce in Rhode Island website

DIVORCE LITIGATION

Combined attorneys fees can deplete a family's finances even before delays, trials, and countless phone calls(for which you are charged--why would you call for answers knowing that each minute on the phone is charged at the attorney's going rate?)--to say nothing of the telephone calls between lawyers for which you are also charged.

DIVORCE MEDIATION

Mediation is a process that employs facilitators. You are charged only for the time YOU spend resolving your issues--no lost time from work--no court delays and NO charges for telephone calls to seek answers or assistance. The savings in time and money are substantial.

Posted by Pam Macktaz and Jean George @ridivorcemediation.

---------------------------------------------
Pamela Macktaz and Jean George create a unique team with over 70 years of combined Rhode Island Family Court experience. We successfully assist clients with divorce, case management, parenting plans, memorandums of understanding, and parent coordination in high conflict families.

For questions about this posting or any divorce questions CONTACT US at (401)942-3000 or visit our Divorce in Rhode Island website

Mediation v. Litigation

DIVORCE LITIGATION

Even the most poised, self assured individuals can find themselves among the walking wounded after experiencing the antagonistic and debilitating experience of watching you and your spouse reduced to your lowest common denominator.


DIVORCE MEDIATION

You will maintain your dignity. You will experience the challenge of working with your spouse to make the best of a bad situation. If you can't save the marriage mediation can save the divorce.

---------------------------------------------
Pamela Macktaz and Jean George create a unique team with over 70 years of combined Rhode Island Family Court experience. We successfully assist clients with divorce, case management, parenting plans, memorandums of understanding, and parent coordination in high conflict families.

For questions about this posting or any divorce questions CONTACT US at (401)942-3000 or visit our Divorce in Rhode Island website

Helpful Tips for Divorcing Parents

Taken from a Brown University publication and developed by KidsHealth, this is an excellent guide for parents to help engage and manage their children through the difficulties of divorce.
No step-by-step manual can give you a guarantee on how to raise kids blissfully through divorce. Every situation--and every family--is different. There arc, however, some common sense guidelines that may make adjustment a little bit easier.

Here are suggestions to make the divorce process less painful for your children. Parents will need to interpret them in their own ways; honesty, sensitivity, self-control, and time itself will help to begin the healing process. Be patient. Not everyone's timetable is your own and single parents especially can only do what they can do day by day.

1. Encourage your kids to talk as openly as they can about their feelings--positive or negative--about what has happened to them. Make that an ongoing process.
   
   "Try to sit down with your children when you feel relatively calm, and encourage them as much as possible to say what they think and feel," says Lucille Mansfield, PhD, a psychologist. "Let this be an ongoing process. As kids develop, their questions change; they may have questions that didn't occur to them earlier." Keep the dialogue open, she adds, "even when you feel `we went over that before.' If you get too upset, find someone else who can talk to them about it. Sometimes other relatives are a good resource."
   
   It's natural for children to have many emotions about a divorce. They may feel guilty and imagine that they "caused" the problem. This is particularly true if they heard their parents argue about them at one time. Children may feel angry or frightened. They may be worried that they will be abandoned by or "divorced from" from their parents.
   
   Some children will be able to voice their feelings, but depending on their age and development, others won't have the words. They may instead "act out" in angry ways or be depressed. For a school age child, this may become evident in dropping grades or lack of interest in activities. For the younger child, feelings often are expressed in play, as well.
   
   It maybe tempting to tell a child not to feel a certain way, but avoid that temptation. Children (and adults, for that matter) have aright to their feelings. If it seems that you are trying to force a "happy face," they may be less likely to share their feelings with you.
   
2. Don't bad-mouth your ex-spouse in front of your kids, even if you are still angry or feuding.
   
   This is one of the hardest things to do, but "it's important that the parent tries hard not to badmouth the other by making nasty cracks or making the child feel that the other parent is to blame," Mansfield says.
   
   "This makes the children feel even more caught in the middle," adds Miriam Galper Cohen, a licensed family therapist. "Kids may think, `If Daddy or Mommy's that bad, then they're a part of me, so I must be bad.' This is not about truth telling," she adds. "The child must discover the truth for themselves."
   
3. Try not to use your kids as a messenger or go-between, especially when you're feuding.
   A child doesn't need to feel that he or she must act as a messenger between hostile parents or carry one adult's secrets or accusations about another. Keep your adult life as private and discreet as possible; wherever possible, communicate directly with the other parent about matters relevant to the children, such as scheduling, visitation, health habits, or school problems.
   
4. Expect resistance and difficulties in helping the children adjust to a new mate or the mate's children.
   
   New relationships, blended families, and remarriages are among the most difficult aspects of the divorce process. "If we're talking to kids, they may have a very difficult time with a new partner," says Galper Cohen. "Kids get into all kinds of territorial issues with other kids; step parenting and remarriage are a very difficult life transition and require a tremendous amount of patience, time, humor, and talking. It takes a long time; it's not going to be instant love and affection."
   
5. Seek support groups, friendships, and counseling. Single parents need all the help they can get.
   
   Support from clergy, friends, relatives and groups such as Parents Without Partners can help you and your children adjust to the travails of separation and divorce. It often helps kids to meet others who've developed successful relationships with separated parents; kids can often help and confide in each other, and adults need special support through these trying times.
   
6. Wherever possible, encourage kids to have as positive an outlook on both parents as you can; encourage openness and contact between your children and the noncustodial parent, providing there is no abuse situation.
   
   "Ideally, you want the kids to feel positive about both parents," says licensed family therapist Herbert Cohen. "Kids have inherent loyalty conflicts, it's unavoidable."
   
   But parents who can foster a positive adjustment and good times--even in separate circumstances--will go a long way in helping their kids adapt and "move on."

For more information on Parenting through a divorce, information on Parenting Plans, or to learn about the success and benefit of Mediation as opposed to a litigated divorce, contact our team with questions or schedule a FREE CONSULTATION via email at MG@RIDivorceMediation.com or visit our RI Divorce Mediation website for more information.